


Confession

by GuileandGall



Series: Diary of a Nobody [6]
Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Brotherly Affection, Brothers, F/M, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuileandGall/pseuds/GuileandGall
Summary: The confessor of Eden’s Gate finds himself in the position of having to reveal his own failings to the Father.
Relationships: Deputy | Judge/John Seed, Female Deputy | Judge/John Seed
Series: Diary of a Nobody [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757959
Kudos: 5





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> This one kind of surprised me and popped up after the fact when I was revising Shattered Impressions for the first time before beta. I felt like I just wholly abandoned John in that trying moment. So, this kind of came together unplanned, but I felt like that given all things it was only fair that I see how things affected him as well. Thank you once more to the brilliant betas who took this and the other stories on: @chyrstis and @amistrio. You guys are amazing and I really appreciate you taking the time out of your own schedules to help with this.

Crossing the yard to the packed dirt drive, Joseph Seed slipped his arm under John’s shoulder and lifted his younger brother back to his feet. John’s blue eyes just stared after the blur of a screaming banshee that was Leah Rook. His eyes watered and struggled to focus on any one specific thing. If ever there a person could fit the description _fit to be tied_ , it was her at that exact moment. She railed against the sheriff and his deputy as they hauled her, bodily, down the driveway and finally forced her into the farthest of the vehicles. Of those watching from the white-washed farmhouse, only John knew precisely why she reacted as she had. And her ire wasn’t just about the house she grew up in or the land that had been in her family for generations.

John Seed’s gaze remained fixed on the blue and red flashing lights as the squad car sped down the drive, spewing gravel as it carried Leah Rook away from what had been the Rook family ranch. His hobbling gait migrated him to the fence and he rested his weight against it as his head spun.

Joseph held a handkerchief out to him. “You’re bleeding, brother.”

John took it. His head pounded and he couldn’t produce enough saliva to wash the coppery taste of his own blood out of his mouth when he bowed his head to spit over the fence. A stream of red poured from his nose, with no sign of ceasing.

“I think it’s broken,” Joseph told him.

“Probably.” He’d heard and felt the crunch when Leah punched him.

They stood there in silence. John knew the reason why his brother stayed silent, why he waited. Leah’s reaction and John’s own behavior. Both were revealing, especially to a man as attuned to human nature as the Father. Plus, it was likely that Joseph had heard every accusation she spat at John on the back porch before she kneed him in the groin. He still didn’t feel like he could catch a proper breath, which was only hampered further by the fact his newest injury restricted him to breathing through his mouth.

He coughed roughly, spitting again, and staining the soft green blades of grass red. Joseph stood beside him, with a single hand resting on John’s shoulder. The weight of it bore down on John immensely, making his guilt curl through him and cause him to feel small. Perhaps his brother still carried faith in him, despite his proven weaknesses and tendency to falter.

“I apologize, Joseph,” John said finally.

Joseph said nothing.

John knew why. An apology was not a confession, and he was guilty, a sinner. He had been weak and let it happen—leapt headlong into sin,if he were totally honest. It mattered not that, in the moment, the time he shared with Leah felt nothing like a transgression. With her, things felt right, natural, even though his reasonable mind knew that neither God, nor the Father would see his behavior and maybe not even his feelings in a similar light.

The confessor of the Project at Eden’s Gate also knew that had it been his choice, their romance would have continued. Even if she had not ended their relationship in so many words exactly, there was no doubt in John’s mind that anything that had existed between them was no longer. Even if her accusations had been baseless, her anger was not misplaced.

“I asked for her phone number after the brunch in May. We’ve spoken regularly since. Shared coffee together on occasion. Another time, she invited me to her home for pizza and a movie. I also flew her home from Helena once. We stopped on the way for dinner, and got caught by the rain.” His voice was flat, like it came from someone else’s mouth as he spoke about it.

Joseph sighed.

John could tell by the mere sound of it that Joseph knew there was more, but he struggled with the admission. Lust and greed cost him a lot of things in his life. This was yet another that he could add to that list.

“And the two of you—”

“Yes,” John said plainly before Joseph could even finish the question. Lowering his hand from his face, John turned and looked at his older brother. This was the man who had found him at his most degraded, shown him another way, and given him purpose.

“It wasn’t like before.” The words flew from his lips, though even John wasn’t sure if it was an explanation or merely a justification of his actions. “She was different from the others.” He tried to find a way to explain what he felt with her, and for her still, that could make sense to his brother. “It wasn’t merely about the act; it wasn’t just sex. I …”

John shook his head, then bowed it, bringing the blood-stained cloth to swipe at the blood flowing freely once more.

“We were only together _that way_ the once.”

His mind wandered back to that afternoon as he closed his eyes. He could see her standing there soaked to the bone but smiling in that way that made his heart tighten in his chest like it might never be able to beat properly again. The ghost of her touch burned across his skin and the echo of the way she’d said his name in such intimate ecstasy filled him with a rush of emotion. Shame quickly doused the sensation with cold guilt.

“God forgive me,” John whispered.

A hand tightened on his shoulder. “He does, brother. He does.” The embrace caught John off guard, but no more so than when Joseph rested his forehead against John’s, offering comfort as his brother cradled the back of his head. “We must be strong. We are examples, even in our failures. You will have to atone.”

John nodded against his brother’s forehead. “I will. Publicly,” he added, feeling his transgression as deeply as his heartache. He had dared to care for her, battled his baser desires in a search for something more real. Maybe it had been an illusion, he told himself. A fabrication drafted merely to excuse himself for when he would inevitably falter.

“That is not necessary,” Joseph said.

“I know.” John swallowed, gagging on his own blood.

“You should have someone see about that nose.” Joseph leaned away and gestured to one of the members working around them.

John just nodded once more, keeping his eyes focused on the ground not far from where they stood. Self-reproach sagged his usually strong shoulders beneath the weight of his actions and the knowledge that he’d disappointed the Father.

“I’d hate to see the other guy,” Jacob chortled when he approached. His hand landed heavily against the back of John’s neck.

Raising his gaze to meet Jacob’s, John’s shoulders sank further under the weight of that meaty palm, though the tight squeeze offered some comfort. The oldest of the three of the Seed brothers then relieved the youngest of the handkerchief he’d used to staunch the spigot of blood that poured from his nose.

“Keep your head forward. It will bleed like hell again,” Jacob warned him.

John leaned back against the fence, gripping it tight in anticipation. His vision blurred and the sickening crack made his stomach turn, but the pain … the pain was welcome. A reminder that he was alive. Deserved punishment for his failures.

“Pinch here,” Jacob told him.

John did as he was told, teasing at the bridge of his nose gently, probing the sensitivity of the injury.

His brother tilted his head and smirked at him. “Probably going to end up with two black eyes, little brother. Guess it’s true what they say.”

“And what, exactly, do they say?” John asked, taking the bait.

“Dynamite comes in small packages.” Jacob raised his brother’s chin and inspected his face. “Little girl packs a hell of a punch.”

“That she does,” John agreed. His brother laughed once more and slapped John on the shoulder before turning toward the house. John let his gaze travel back toward the road.

The sheriff’s car still sat at the end of the drive. Presumably, he waited there in case Leah made her way back. Perhaps he hoped to head her off before any infraction could be broken. John silently hoped Earl Whitehorse would achieve that goal, if the situation arose. He loathed the idea of following through with the threat he’d made.

Even amidst the ache and throb in his face, he couldn’t fight off the fondness that swelled when he thought of her. She’d had every right to be angry with him, to accuse him of betrayal. He had drafted and brokered the transfer of her family’s land and property. All without telling her a single word about any of it, despite how close they had become over the last few months. In the back of his mind, he could still justify keeping it from her; attorney-client privilege held him to silence about the matter. Even so, it still felt like a weak excuse even as he comforted himself with that caveat.

Jacob hit the nail on the head though; Leah Rook certainly packed a punch. She left a lasting impression on John Seed, one that would far outlast the bruises she gifted him that day in her ire.

“That she does,” John whispered once more to the breeze unable to wipe the thought of her from his mind just yet.


End file.
